


You're Enough

by old_starlit



Series: The Prodigies of King's College [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex screws up yet again, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, The Reynolds Pamphlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:33:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7167551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/old_starlit/pseuds/old_starlit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John smiled at the sight of a new, lengthy post and wondered what Alex had gotten himself into this time. No doubt he started another fight with someone else. He scanned the first line:</p><p>  <i>The charge against me is one James Reynolds, for purposes of improper speculation. My real crime is an amorous connection with his girlfriend for a considerable time with his knowing consent. </i></p><p> </p><p>Or, alternatively, modern-day Reynolds Pamphlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Have you read this?

John Laurens was perched on the edge of his bed, laptop out in front of him. It was his last day as a foreign exchange student to France, and he was itching to head back home and spend time with Alex, Lafayette, and Hercules, instead of Thomas Jefferson.

He opened up his laptop and immediately checked Alex’s blog to see any new updates. He was practically craving for news from his boyfriend and didn’t call him at all this week due to busy schedules and timezones. 

John smiled at the sight of a new, lengthy post and wondered what Alex had gotten himself into this time. No doubt he started another fight with someone else. He scanned the first line:

_The charge against me is one James Reynolds, for purposes of improper speculation. My real crime is an amorous connection with his girlfriend for a considerable time with his knowing consent._

John shut the laptop and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to steady his breathing. It was just Alex, playing a prank. That was it. He would go on to explain how all of it was a trick and everything was completely fine. He opened his laptop again and forced himself to keep reading.

_John Laurens was absent on a trip to France._

John closed the laptop again. He couldn’t do this. Alex couldn’t have—he wouldn’t—

The door to his room flew open and Angelica Schuyler barged in. “I just saw Alex’s post. Did you-” She stopped at John’s stricken expression and covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

She stood there for a moment, as if unsure what to do, before crossing the room to sit down besides him and slung an arm around him. “That _bastard_ ,” she growled. “I can’t believe he would have the nerve to hurt you. He doesn’t deserve you, you know that?”

John stared straight at the wall, hardly registering her presence.. “Was I not enough for him?” he whispered, eyes prickling.

Angelica shook her head vehemently. “Don’t you dare say that, John Laurens. _He’s_ the idiot who can never be satisfied.” She pulled him closer. “We’ve still got some time left before our flight leaves. How about we get ice cream and binge watch some Parks and Rec?”

John nodded numbly, wiping away a tear that he couldn’t stop. “Yeah...that sounds good.” He managed a smile he didn’t really feel. “Thanks, Angelica.”

“Anytime.”

 

The plane ride back to New York City was long and tiring and John was asleep for the most part through it. Word seemed to have gotten around of what was now dubbed “The Reynolds Post” and the other foreign exchange students knew better than to talk to him. Even Jefferson for the first time, was quiet.

When he unboarded the train, he was worried Alex would be their to meet him, and he did not want to deal with him, but, to his relief, Lafayette and Hercules were there instead. 

“ _Mon ami_!” Lafayette engulfed John into a hug. Hercules thudded John on the back and John couldn’t help but smile at that. “We’ve missed you!” John wanted to simply talk to them and catch up with their lives but he had to ask the question on his mind.

“Where’s Alex?” John asked, not exactly wanting to know the answer.

Lafayette put a hand on his shoulder, searching his face. “We, ah, suggested him to stay home. Well, maybe ‘suggest’ is a too kind of a word.” He looked carefully at John. “We thought it would be better.”

John nodded gratefully. “Thanks, Laf.”

“And, hey, you can stay at our place for the time being.” Hercules suggested. He and Lafayette shared an apartment, while John and Alex shared another. “Just for a while until you work some things out.”

“That’d be great.” John rubbed his eyes, which were red. “You guys are the best.”

Hercules wrapped an arm around John. while Lafayette grabbed his hand. They made their way back to the car. “It’s the least we can do.”

 

The four walked into Lafayette and Hercules’ apartment quietly, none of the usual loud talking and laughing carrying into the room. John sat down on the couch and Lafayette touched his shoulder gently, just once, a reminder that they were here for him. Sensing he wanted to be left alone, the two walked back to their respective rooms where they would jump on their phones and send messages to Alex, begging for explanations, of which would all go unanswered.

John, with slight trepidation, picked up his phone and was met with a wall of unread messages.

 

**Eliza** : John i just heard the news 

**Eliza** : i am so sorry

**Eliza** : call me when you feel better

 

**Peggy** : JOHN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL ALEX JUST GIVE ME THE WORD PLEASE TEXT ME BACK WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER

 

**Alex:** john please call me back

**Alex:** im so sorry 

**Alex:** you have to understand why i posted it just hear me out

**Alex:** at least text me

**Alex:** john please

**Alex:** i am so so so sorry

 

John took a deep breath and sent Alex a text before he could regret it.

 

**John:** we’ll talk later. Im staying at Laf’s and Herc’s place tonight

 

Almost immediately a text was shot back.

 

**Alex:** im sorry just please talk to me

 

John tossed his phone on the couch—his new bed for now—and collapsed on it, ignoring Alex’s last text. He would deal with everything tomorrow.

Neither of them got much sleep that night.


	2. I don't pretend to know the challenges you're facing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John find comfort in strange places.

Alexander Hamilton was a mess. He didn’t sleep at all last night, instead reading and re-reading his post he had made the day before. _What was I thinking?_ He took out his phone and scanned it for messages. Lafayette and Hercules haven’t talked to him since and Angelica and Peggy’s messages were all caps-locked and full of swears. He deserved that.

John was yet to text him back save for one message.

 

**John** : we’ll talk later. Im staying at Laf’s and Herc’s place tonight

 

That was possibly the worst thing he had ever read. John couldn’t even _face_ him after what he had done. _Later_? When was _later_? He selected John’s contact and was wondering whether or not to call him, when his phone buzzed.

“Hey, Eliza,” Alex said, with fake cheerfulness. “How are you doing?”

“Are you serious, Alex?” Her voice was a mixture of sadness and anger. “You cheated on John? Really?”

Alex sucked in a quick breath. She had read the post. Of course she had read the post. _Everyone_ had read the post. “I know, Eliza. I—”

“Don’t try to talk your way out of this one,” Eliza warned. “You’re on thin ice here.” Eliza's voice was hard and Alex had never heard her speak this way. 

Alex hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry and what I did was terrible and I don’t even deserve John but I just want to _talk_ to him.”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Eliza muttered, but she was softening. “Listen, Alex, you made a really, really, _really_ bad mistake. And sure, maybe you didn’t mean to do it, but you still did. Just give John some time. He’ll talk to you eventually.”

“I don’t want to wait,” Alex sighed. 

“He deserves that much,” Eliza reminded him.

“You’re right.” Alex resigned. “You’re always right.” He collapsed on his bed. “Anything else you want to talk to me about?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“Actually, yes,” Eliza said. “Maria’s here, and she would like to speak to you.”

There was a silence and then a voice burst on, “Alex, I am so sorry! I didn’t know you were dating John and I can’t believe I just destroyed your relationship and—”

“Maria,” Alex cut her off. “You did nothing wrong. It was on me.” 

Maria took a shaky breath and Alex could tell she’d been crying. “I broke up with James today.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex started, but she interrupted him

“No, no, it’s okay. I should’ve done that long ago.” She fell silent. “Alex, everyone knows about it. I got _hate mail_ in two in the morning.”

Alex’s mouth went dry. He didn’t even think about how the post would affect Maria. The guilt crashed down on him as he tried to speak. “Maria, I didn’t think…”

“Eliza and Peggy posted on their blogs my side of the story,” Maria said quickly. “It’s mainly okay now. You really need to fix this, though.”

“I know." He broke off at the loud sound of knocking on his door and winced slightly at the thought of more human interaction. “Maria, I have to go, someone’s at my door. Tell Eliza to call me back.”  


“Will do,” Maria said. “And good luck with John.” She hung up.

Alex checked his phone once more for a text from John, even though he knew there’d be nothing. He tossed his phone away, and, figuring it was Lafayette or Hercules knocking, yelled, “Just come in, the doors unlocked.”

Almost instantly the door flew open, clattering loudly against the wall. Alex jumped. “What the— _Jefferson_?”

Jefferson, in all his pink-suited glory marched into the apartment and slammed the door. “What the _hell_ were you thinking?”

Alex jumped again, this time from the yell. “What are you even doing here?” His shoulders raised, immediately on the defense at his arrival.

Jefferson walked over to him, and he automatically stood up, in an attempt to look taller. It failed, of course.

“You didn’t show up for Debate club.” Jefferson said, arms crossed. “And you did the most idiotic thing I have ever seen and that’s something, seeing how I hang out with Lee.” He held up his phone to show Alex the post.

“Go away,” Alex replied eloquently.

“ _And_ ,” Jefferson pressed on. “Laurens wasn’t at the club either. You’re the only one who can debate me, you know that? Today’s debate was so easy, I destroyed the guy in seconds. It was incredibly boring without you.”

“So?” Alex said.

“So you need to get your shit together.”

Alex sat back down, defeated. “Why do you care, anyway? It’s not your problem.”

Jefferson shrugged. “You helped me before that one time I was struggling to fit in doing a project. And then again when I was going through my whole sexuality crisis so...It’s the least I can do.”

Alex spread his hands. “Well, there’s nothing you can do now.”

Jefferson stared at him for a moment more, then marched out of the living room, presumably to leave. A minute later he could hear him yell, “You only have _one_ type of tea?”

“What are you doing?” Alex called back.

“Making tea for you,” Jefferson said from the kitchen as though it were obvious. “James always makes some for me when I need to calm down.”

“I am plenty calm.” Alex huffed, before flicking on the television and settling back on the couch. He resisted the urge to check his phone for new messages, knowing there’d be none. A minute later, Jefferson emerged with two steaming cups of tea and gave one to Alex. “Now drink up and talk to me.”

Alex hesitated, staring up at Jefferson, wondering if this was some trick. Jefferson sat next to him and shrugged, as if to say, _Your choice, Hamilton_. After another moment of hesitation, Alex accepted a cup. “I have a lot to talk about,” he warned.

“I’m used to it,” Jefferson replied.

And so he talked. And talked. And talked. And, by the time Jefferson left, even if his advice was terrible and he acted too condescending fifty percent of the time, Alex felt marginally better.

 

John wasn’t faring any better than Alex. He was lucky it was the weekend—no classes to worry about. After crashing on Lafayette and Hercule’s sofa for the night, he decided to walk around the campus.

Going out in public wasn’t the best idea, he soon realized. He attracted stares and whispers from other students. A few even walked up to him to ask if he was doing alright. That was possibly the stupidest question in the world. Of _course_ he wasn’t doing alright. His boyfriend just _cheated_ on him.

John sat down on a bench, taking out a book and staring at it, not really reading it. His mind was whirring, trying to comprehend too many emotions at once, and he couldn't focus.

“Hey.” John gave a start at the low, quiet voice, and turned to see Aaron Burr (of all people) slide onto the bench next to him.

“I heard about the Reynolds Post,” Burr said softly.

“Everyone did,” John replied distantly, closing the book with a snap.

Burr shook his head. “It’s my fault, you know.”

John turned and looked at him sharply. “What? You’re fault for what?”

“For the post. I saw him and Maria—um—together and I confronted Alex about it.” He looked down at his hands. “I threatened to tell everyone about the affair because Alex and I… aren’t exactly the best of friends. Alex didn’t want to take the risk and he posted it on his own accord.”

“It doesn’t matter,” John said, waving his hand. “Alex still cheated on me. You can’t take the blame for that. No one can.”

Burr was silent for a moment. “You should talk to him.” He said eventually. “As a guy who had an affair with another’s girlfriend”—John remembered how Burr was dating Theodosia—”I know there’s a side to every story.”

John took a breath. “Not now. I just can’t talk to him now. He cheated on me, Burr.” John was aware tears were now rolling down his face and he didn’t bother to wipe them off, because why should he? He had every reason to cry. “I don’t even want to face him.”

Burr put his arm around John, which was a bit shocking—Burr hated physical contact—and said, “Hey, I understand. Things are going to be fine, though, as long as you’re willing to wait for it.”

They stayed like that for a while until John calmed down, after which they made their way over to a coffee shop nearby to meet up with Theodosia. The two talked to him and he fell back into the lull of easy conversation, almost, _almost_ able to forget what happened.

Later that night, John took a deep breath and picked up his phone. After writing and rewriting the same message three different times, John finally settled on two words and hit send before he could change his mind.

In another apartment not so far away, Alex scrambled to pick up his phone and read a message that only made him more nervous than before. 

 

**John** : Tomorrow, ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the whole "sexuality crisis" sort of thing with Jefferson, I'm planning a jeffmads fic to go with this college universe (if I ever get around to writing it). For now, just ignore it.


	3. Forgiveness (can you imagine?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk.

_Tomorrow_. Alex could hardly wait to talk to John, but on Lafayette’s instruction, he forced himself to simply wait for him. _Let John come to you_ , Lafayette had instructed. _Give him time._

Alex didn’t want to wait, but he forced himself to, pacing around his apartment, constantly checking his phone. After not seeing John for months while away from France, to not see or hear from him when he was at home seemed to be the most fitting punishment for what Alex had done.

He deserved this, and it was the only thing that stopped him from running out into the streets of New York City and tracking John down.

_Just wait for it._

 

John felt oddly sick to his stomach. He expected to feel better now that he knew he was going to see Alex again, but he felt the opposite. He was nervous and he didn’t even know why.

“Of course you’re nervous,” Lafayette said unhelpfully. “This is the pivotal moment of your relationship where you either break up with Alex or get back together.”

“Very tactful, Laf,” Hercules said, glaring at Lafayette.

“No, it’s okay,” John said, waving a hand. “Laf’s right. I have to choose whether or not to end things with Alex.”

Lafayette and Hercules went silent, and John realized that they were probably wondering what would happen to their friend group if John and Alex did break up. It'd fall apart.

“I don’t _want_ to end things with Alex.” John began to pace the room. “I still love him.” For some reason, it was hard to force the words out.

Lafayette put a hand on him, and he stopped walking to look at him. “That’s okay, _mon ami_ ,” he said reassuringly. “Just don’t fall into his arms the moment you see him. Let Alex explain himself first.”

John nodded. Lafayette was right, like he usually was. “I’m ready to go talk to him,” he decided. “Or at least as ready as I can be.”

“We’re always here for you,” Hercules reminded him.

John nodded once before grabbing the doorknob. He hesitated for a second, before opening the door and heading out into the street.

 

Alex was typing an essay out—one that wasn’t due for months—when he heard a knock on the door. He took a breath, trying to calm himself. _It’s not John. Don’t get yourself worked up._

He walked over to the door and opened it, and was met with an all-too-familiar freckled face.  
“  
John,” he gasped, staring up at him. He had missed his face so much, so he spent a second drinking in his appearance, drowning in his eyes.

John was quiet for a moment, eyes flitting away to look at the ground, then back at Alex. Then, unexpectedly, he said, “Have you eaten yet?”

“Wh—what?” Alex frowned, caught off guard.

“You haven’t slept either,” John noticed, his voice hollow. He shouldered past Alex and into his—no, _their_ —apartment. 

“John—” Alex started, but John ignored him, stepping inside their kitchen. 

“Sit down,” he said, gesturing to the couch. “You’re not going to talk until you eat. “ John opened the refrigerator and began to heat up leftover pasta from a few days ago.

“No, no, no, no,” Alex said, shaking his head. “This isn’t supposed to happen. You’re not supposed to be...taking _care_ of me. I cheated on you, John!” John winced at the word, but didn’t turn around and look at him, so Alex continued, “You’re being so nice to me and you _shouldn’t_. I—”

“Alex.” Alex fell silent at that and sat down at the couch. A minute later, John slammed a plate of pasta on the coffee table. “Now, eat.”

Alex didn’t move for a second, before picking up the plate and eating. He _was_ hungry, but he’d never admit.

John sat next to him, not nearly as close to Alex than before the post. He didn’t say anything, and Alex realized he was waiting for him to speak. He set the plate down and closed his eyes before starting.

“John. I am so sorry for what I did. I missed you and I was drunk and I just saw Maria and—” He threw up his hands in frustration. “I shouldn’t even be making excuses for what I did!”

John stared straight forward, not bothering to look at Alex. “You’re right. You shouldn’t. You don’t ever _think_ , do you Alexander?” Alex winced at the use of his full name. “You never stop and think of the consequences of your actions, of this whole mess that you got us into.” He shook his head. “Do I even mean anything to you anymore? Why am I even here, _waiting_ for you?”

Alex dropped his hands. “Please just listen to me for five minutes. That’s all I need right now.”

John still didn’t look at Alex. “I’ll hear you out, Alexander. That’d better be enough.” His voice cracked on the last word, and Alex felt sick to his stomach at the thought of what he made John go through. John was stronger than any of them, really.

Alex took a deep breath. “I know I don’t deserve you, John, but I love you. So, so, so much. All the while you were gone, I missed you. Maria was almost a distraction, I guess. When Burr found out about our relationship, I panicked, and decided to come clean.” He sighed. “I should’ve told you first, I know, but I couldn’t face you.”

He turned to face John and John looked back at him. “I love you more than anything, and I know I can never erase what I’ve done, but John Laurens, as long as I'm live, I swear to god you will _never_ feel helpless again.”

Alex stopped talking, and simply held John’s gaze. John looked away, and Alex’s heart plummeted. John closed his eyes, then, after a moment, he took Alex’s hand and laced their hands together. He glanced back up at Alex, and even though they’ve dated for two years, John still took his breath away. 

John moved his hand up to touch Alex’s cheek, and wiped away a tear on Alex’s face, one that he had never even felt was there. After a moment’s hesitation, John leaned in for a kiss, a quick, soft one that explained more than words could ever. He gave Alex a small smile laced with both sadness and hopefulness. “Is this enough?”

Alex smiled back at him, trying to convey as many words as he could in that smile ( _I love you i love you i love you_ ), and pressed their foreheads together. “You’re enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...Alex doesn't deserve John.
> 
> It's done! Thanks for all the comments and kudos left on this!


End file.
